Barack Obama White House Press Releases BarackObamaWhitehouse.us Contact: Administrator@barackobamawhitehouse OBAMA: “I AM NOT PLAGUED BY THE WRATH OF GOD” 26 June 2010 "Hello, small people of America.  I'm speaking with you to dispel rumors that given my recently being plagued by flies, rats and bees, the wrath of God isn't visiting me like the tyrannical Pharaoh of ancient Egypt. Lying prostrate on my prayer rug in the Oval Office, I held out my hands and said 'Allah…uhh God, why all the vermin in my administration?' I was planning to have my Attorney General Eric Holder discuss this matter with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, but he was too busy designing new national rules banning terms like 'Islamic Terrorism,' from being used in public. So here's the scoop.  I don't know why disease carrying insects and vermin seem to like me so much.  And I don't know why angry bees have been swarming around the White House during my Presidency.  I can only assume that they are the liberal/progressives of the animal kingdom who are voicing approval for my policies." (Click Photos to Right for Larger Image) As to my being plagued by the Gulf Oil spill, I've checked with local Imams at the largest Washingon DC Mosques and they assure me that it has nothing to do with the Pharoh's Nile River Turning red with blood. And I do wish people would stop alluding to why I've been acting so squeamish lately and preferring to stand rather than sit.  My behind is definitely not afflicted with festering boils. I will battle all pleas made by old white people, Tea Party goers and the State of Arizona to 'Let The American People Go,' no matter what further plagues my policies may bring to The United States." OBAMA: “I DID NOT OFFER TO GIVE A BJ TO CONGRESSMAN JOE SESTAK 28 May 2010 "To my loyal and mindless subjects.  In the past, it's been said that I'd give a BJ to anyone who could help me remake America.  In April 2009, I was photographed giving a BJ or "Bow Job," to the King of Saudi Arabia, but we all know that it was not a real Bow Job.  I was just polishing his sandals with my tongue. Now I'm accused of giving a BJ to Congressman Joe Sestak of Pennsylvania as a politically erotic bribe for him to not run in the Democrat Primary against Senator Arlen Specter. I know that on February 18, 2010, Congressman Sestak who I prefer calling "huggy bear," said that he was offered a "Big Job" or BJ to drop out.  I also know that the United States Code (USC) Sec. 18 part 600 bans bribing people to throw an election with any offer, paid or unpaid, under penalty of fine or imprisonment.  Under the law, a BJ is a BJ whether someone pays for it or not. So let me set the record straight.  I was not involved in the BJ.  The BJ involved former President Bill Clinton.  I never offer unlawful BJ's to anyone.  I tried getting Rham Emanuel to do it but he didn't like the taste of it.  Instead he went to Bill Clinton, who has experience in this area. So that's what happened.  According to the U.S.C., or laws of Congress, I should be prosecuted, convicted and serve time in prison with Rham Emanuel.  Unless my friendly media can kill this story, I could be in big trouble.  But if charged and convicted, I will issue an executive order to have Rahm Emanuel be my cell mate rather than someone called 'Big Bubba.' "     WHITEHOUSE PRESS RELEASE 28 May 2009:  “As every intelligent Progressive knows, I was a Constitutional Law Professor.  Okay, I wasn’t exactly a Professor, I was a part time instructor who frequently didn’t show up.  Okay, okay, but I really did serve as an Instructor when not stoned out, or participating in radical protests. Since you coronated me as your leader, I’ve spent long minutes attempting to devise a way to make a more compassionate America.  During these journeys, it has become evident to me that Congress and the democratic process is not really the place to turn for change.  We must have a judicial system, particularly a Supreme Court that is willing to set aside its antiquated role. The electoral process for choosing people to pass laws is flawed because it relies on the intelligence of an electorate.  I’m not saying that you’re all stupid, but too many of you really are.  So I’ve decided to pack the legal system with judges who think like me so your stupid voting decisions won’t interfere with my Progressive ideas for an America of change. Let’s face it.  There are just too many non-ethnic white judges.  White women aren’t as bad as white men who I really don’t like, but they tend to interpret laws according to the flawed Constitution.  So I’ve decided to pack the courts with people who know the outcome before hearing the facts.  Not only will it place less stress on judges, but court time won’t be taken up with their having to listen to lengthy presentations.  My ultimate goal is for judges to make decisions before any of these windbag lawyers even have the opportunity to speak or present lengthy legal briefs. In my new court system, every judge including those on the Supreme Court will have an internet page on ‘Twitter’, ‘Facebook’ or ‘MySpace’.  Lawyers will be limited to a total statement of 120 characters in length.  The judge will then make their decisions based on ethnicity, legal status in America, proclivity towards terrorism, sexual orientation and Progressive inclination. Within two hours, parties involved will receive a text message on their Blackberry or iPod indicating a decision.  No explanation will be necessary since the judge will not be using legal precedence or constitutionality.  The parties involved will simply be texted, ‘U Win,’ or ‘U Lose.’  If one party chooses to appeal, they can text back, ‘I no agree,’ although they can expect a reply ‘LOL.’ My first appointment to the Supreme Court will be Sonia Sotomayor.  She has proven herself to be the perfect candidate for the following reasons: 1. She is of Hispanic Background, 2. She is a female, 3. Sixty percent of her decisions have been overthrown as being judicially bizarre, 4. She is a hard left Progressive, 5. She doesn’t mind agreeing with me on everything. All of this goes along with my decisions for simplification of government.  My next step will be to create ‘Democrat Only’ and ‘Republicans Only’ sections in Congressional dining rooms, barber shops and water fountains.  Naturally, Republicans will sit in the back of all government vehicles.”     President Obama Decides Judicial System and Supreme Court is too Constitutional.  Obama Bribes Congressman.  Obama Plagued by the Wrath of God Click Photo for Larger Image FULL PRESS RELEASES Home Page / Obama’s Muslim Adventure / Gives Submissive Bow Job to Saudi King Obama Eliminates Terrorism  / Piracy on High Seas / Right Wing Militias / Peace & Love / / The American Economy / Community Sacrifice / Saving Energy & Planet / Supreme Court and the Law / / Obama’s Muslim Adventure Part Deux / Government Medical Care / Foreign Policy / / Remaking America / Racial Reconciliation / Text and Graphics Copyright: Michael G. Leventhal - BarackObamaWhitehouse.us